Agent Logs
In a World of Endless Wonder, sometimes the wonder gets a little hectic and sometimes, it can be a true wonder. Here we list some events around the Warehouse that were worthy of writing down in the agents log. Aden Taylor Searching for Rapture "There's nothing there, Juan." "Pfft, you don't know that!" "Yeah, I do." Aden and Juan were wandering the stacks while the former did inventory. Currently, they were arguing over the existence, or lack thereof, of the famed Bioshock city of Rapture. Aden, not being a fan of the series, was firmly in the negative about what he called "Atlantis circa 1950" while the Mage was a proud fan and was determined to prove his friend wrong. "Why are you so obsessed about finding that city? It's just Atlantis dipped into a paint bucket labelled "the '50s". For the billionth time, Rapture does not exist!" Aden continued, checking off another artifact on the list. "I can prove it! I saw a spire in the middle of the Atlantic when I was flying just a few days ago!" Juan affirmed. "Pfft, baloney. No chance." "Fine, then let's make a bet." Aden looked up, giving Juan his full attention. "Go on..." "If I'm right, you have to play Bioshock, and then spend the whole week in form-fitting tights." the Mage said smugly. "Okay, but if I'M right, you have to wear a bikini for a week. Deal?" Juan's eyes widened at the though, but shook hands. Aden finished up inventory then followed Juan out of the building. Cloaking the two from sight, he followed Juan to the coordinates. Miles later, they arrived at the coordinates. "Ready to be proven wrong bud?" "I won't be because it shouldn't exist." "Neither should the Warehouse but look where we work." "Good point, but behold! No lighthouse." Aden gestured theatrically to an empty spot of land. Juan stared. "But I... saw..." "Being out at sea makes people see things!" Aden patted his friend's shoulder. "Now let's go-" Before Aden could finish, Juan dived toward the island. "Hey!" Aden objected, following. When the two landed, the were able to see that, at some point, there HAD been a structure here. Unfortunately, there was nothing left but a wrench. Artie Nielsen The Art of Reading War Soldiers approached from all sides, marching through the Warehouse or barreling down aisles with weapons drawn. It seemed that every army in history had come together to besiege the Warehouse. Spartans and Mongols sprinted along side German footsoldiers and the Swiss Guard, paying no mind to each other. Every man with a weapon wanted a piece of the Warehouse crew, who were currently hiding in the Pete Cave. The team looked scared as they faced Artie, who had assumed the role of commander. "Felix, I need you and Nikki in the rafters. Man the bungee and mortar as many as you can!" With a quick salute, Felix and Nikki were gone, scurrying up the narrow stairs to the iron beams above. "Agent Jinks, get the Red Baron and gun down as many as you can. Lattimer and Donovan, on McQueen's bike with some Teslas or Sabines. They won't know what hit them. The rest of you, you're all trained in some kind of weapon. Get out there and try and thin their numbers." Aden, Bri, Tyler, Blaine, Matt and Rick saluted and ran from the office. Artie could hear the sound of yelling mixed with the roar of engines. Every now and then, a loud crash indicated agents Nola and Draco were doing their part. "Now," Artie said to himself, "To take on their commanding officer." With the soldiers distracted, Artie could move around the Warehouse in relative safety. Three or four times he encountered some adversaries and dispatched them with nearby artifacts. He was feeling quite proud of himself for sending seven Conquistadors flying with a strike from Ralph Kramden's Bowling Ball when he reached the library. He flung open the door and paced down some shelves before finding the one who kept sending the soldiers to destroy his team. Myka sat in a large armchair, thick headphones muffling out the sound of Artie's approach. He'd find out later that they were to stop the noise from Pete and Claudia's game of library Nerf-tag from distracting her. Artie strode forward and tore the scroll she was reading from her hands and dumped it in a static bag. "What the hell, Artie!" exclaimed the surprised agent. Artie grabbed her arm and turned her towards a window, where the soldiers were crumpling and vanishing like paper in a fire. Wordlessly he handed Myka paper label and a broom and left the library. Myka looked down at the paper, an artifact information tag, and suddenly felt very guilty. With a sigh, she walked back out into the main Warehouse and began sweeping some plaster and cannon shells into a corner. On the tag where she left it, at the very top in bold black type read: Sun Tzu's "The Art of War"; WARNING: DO NOT READ! Just the Doctor "Isn't there anything you can do, Doctor?" The cockney voice of the aging Londoner was filled with concern. The Doctor sighed and pushed his glasses up with his fingertips, stopping to rest them on his forehead. "Not this time, Judy. The Daleks have the station. Everyone down there is dead because I couldn't save them. They've won." She ran up to him and grabbed his arm, eliciting no reaction from his broken face. "But you're the Doctor, yeah? You've saved blimmin' space whales, and stopped the Joodon and married Queen Vic and survived it all. You can't give up now. We need you too keep going. 'Cause there are still people out there fighting for you, and even if they're all gonna die, they deserve to know that you tried 'til the end." She gave him a sharp punch in the shoulder. "So you get your fancy-pants alien brain working, get off your sorry arse and you be The Doctor!" He looked up and saw the fierceness in her eyes. The fire of a mother who had a young girl who needed her at home. And his eyes lit up. "YES! Absolutely! I AM the Doctor! And I am not letting these worked up Roomba's beat us!" Judy tilted her head. "The hell's a Roomba?" But the Doctor was filled with the feverant energy that he only had when an idea was forming. "Judes, I need you to get to the TARDIS. Under the console, fourth side, ninth drawer, second compartment. There's a little bit on wire in the shape of a goldfish. I need you to grab it for me." Judy stood and recited it back. "Forth, Ninth, Second Goldfish, got it." She ran into the blue box and had barely yanked the drawer open when the doors swung shut behind her. "I'm so sorry, Judy." A hologram of the Doctor flickered into life, staring right through her. "Im so sorry. I can't do it. I'm programming the TARDIS to take you home. Live your life. Forget about me. Your Lily needs you." Judy Tyler could barely see through her tears. A stream of curses, made all the harsher by her London accent, came from her mouth. --- Back in the station, the Doctor watched as the doors were blown open, and as the Daleks moved in. The burning pain as their laser burned through his body. The rest was a blur. The TARDIS back. Judy back, but different. NAUGHTY DOG and the time vortex. And then the golden light as regeneration set in. He remembered his last words. "I was great. And you know what Judy? So were you." --- Reality burst through his mind. "Up you get, Stephen." He was hauled to his feet by Artie, the stocky senior agent of Warehouse 13. Everything came flooding back. The ping, the flight back to his hometown. And the artifact. The large blue telephone box. "How long was I in there for?" Stephen rubbed his temple as the memories of his dream settled in his mind. "Only...five minutes." Artie checked his watch. "I'm betting it felt a bit longer." "Centuries. So much happened. I remember it all. I have to write his down! Some things could do with changing, though." "I was afraid that would happen. Lucky for you, Mr. Kosan also thinks it's time for a revival. He's set up a meeting with the BBC board. I'm sure they'd be happy to hear about it." He offered his hand to the bewildered agent. "Good luck, Mr. Davies. Look after the box. I'd hate for there to be a reason for me to come back for it." Blaine Biston The Butler Never Does It "Felix...if there was ever an artifact for you to not touch, this was the one I would've picked." Blaine said as he walked around the Spiral Office, "You had to go poking around with Anthony Pratt's Cludeo Patent, and now Aden's 'dead' until we figure who killed him, where, and with what." ---- Blaine had been doing inventory when he felt a shift, namely the fact that he was decked in out in a gold outfit. Despite the sudden change in outfit, he paused to hear a lot of metal twisting and bending. Checking up on the Warehouse's layout, he saw that an entire section of the Warehouse had warped into a familiar looking game board. Meeting up with Felix, Sandy, Rick, Mary, and a few other agents who were decked out in monochromatic outfits...only to learn from Mary that Aden had died, but not before getting decked up in a black suit and heading off into the Warehouse. Putting it together, Blaine realized that someone had messed around with the Cludeo Patent that'd wind up inspiring game known as Clue. ---- "So? There's only 324 possibilities, we should be able to deduce who killed him eventually." Felix suggested as he tried to pull the collar out of his reverend's outfit. Blaine shook his head, "No...this is the patent. Pratt made it to be played to be during air raids, and the game was able to support up to 9 players, had 9 weapons, and had 11 rooms. That makes 891 different possibilities." Blaine walked over to the whiteboard where he had written down all the weapons and rooms. Rooms: 'Hall = ''Artie's Office; Study = Art Gallery; Library = Library; Billiards Room = Fun & Games Section; Conservatory = Nature Section; Ballroom = Music Corner; Kitchen = Food Aisle; Dining Room = Household Aisle; Gun Room ='' Armory''; Lounge = Television Section, Cellar = Dark Vault '''Weapons: Thunderstone Axe (axe), Elephant Walking Stick (cane), Flat Top Store Sign (bomb), Isaac Parker's Noose (rope), Hassan-i-Sabbath's Qama (dagger), Butch Cassidy's Revolver (revolver), Charles Davenport's Syringe (syringe), Halloween Apple (poison), and Fireplace Poker Aden's body had been found in the Dark Vault, and despite not going in to take a good look at it Blaine had a good idea of 'what' had killed him, "Since he was in one piece and not burnt or blown up, the bomb is out of the question. We also had a pool of blood, so that also rules out the syringe and rope but the size isn't big enough for the axe. Finally there was a lack of blackpowder odor in the room, removing the revolver from the equation. This leaves us with just the Dagger and the Fireplace Poker." Mary spoke up, "What about the cane? He could've coughed up the blood." Blaine shook his head, "No...then the blood would've pooled around his head, not his chest. Dagger or Poker." ---- Blaine thought hard, the next piece of the puzzle was the 'where', but from the quick peek he had of the body, Blaine knew a few things. For starters, there was there was a lack of dust on him, and the Gallery and Library were laden with it. Dark Vault was also out since there was no sign of a struggle. Thinking back to some of the reports that Artie had left out, there was a leaky Goo pipe above the entrance to the Armory, Television Section, and Music Corner that he wanted Claudia to take a wrench too. The way that the report had been pushed aside for laptop space made him believe that she hadn't gotten around to it yet, and there wasn't a drop of goo on Aden't black suit. Next he knew that he could eliminate the Nature Section since The Green Thumb was on the fritz again, and you couldn't go in or out with out either getting caked in pollen or finding a leaf stuck to your back. Aden showed sign of neither one. Finally, there was the 'to-do' list nearby him. On that list were artifacts that needed checking on, and from the looks of the list, the artifacts that needed tending too were all in, near, or around the Fun & Game's Aisle. That's where he was headed before the murder, and that was the scene of the crime. ---- ~Okay, I know it was in the Billiards Room with either the dagger or the poker...but who? Motive is non-existent in this case, so I'll have to look for something else...~ ''Blaine thought at he looked around at the other 8 suspects. All of them looked nervous to some degree, but it was their hands he was looking at. If any of them handled the dagger, the encrusted handle would've left an imprint into their skin. Luckily, it he didn't have to resort to smelling the hands for the smell of wood since Sandy (who was dressed as Professor Plum) had faint indents that matched the dagger's bejeweled handle. "I've got it." Blaine's voice took the other off guard as the gold-dressed consultant walked out to hallway. Once out there, he shouted to the ceiling, "It was Sandy with Hassan-i-Sabbath's Qama in the Fun and Games Section!" Blaine waited a few secs...but nothing. "Did you consider the fact that it wants you to play by it's rules?" Mary called out from the Office. Rolling his eyes, she did have a point. "It was Professor Plum with the Knife in the Billiards Room!" At the sound of the statement, a multitude of golden sparks rained from the ceiling. ---- Aden walked into the Spiral Office, holding his head. Inside, he saw most of the other agents and consultants sitting around, chatting "I was checking a spike in the Fun & Game Section when I had the strangest dream..." Seeker And You Shall Receive Bri and Matt came rushing into the Convention Aisle as fast as they could. Blaine had sent them a panicked Farnsworth message requesting help, and all three of them dropped what they were doing to see what was wrong. In the Aisle, Blaine was standing next to the display meant for Dante Vale's Overcoat and the Caliban Amulet. When he and Nikki went to wrangle the Mortal Kombat artifacts at a convention, he had ditched his Orange Dino Gem in favor of the coat and amulet. What was peculiar was that while the coat was back on the stand, the amulet was missing from it's stand. "Blaine, what did you do now?" Bri said noticing the missing artifact, "You'd better not be tinkering with the..." She looked to Matt and then to the information display, '...Caliban Amulet. Last time you got lucky with the Dino Gem, but lightning doesn't always strike twice." "Actually it does, scientifically speaking," Blaine said, his hands jammed in his pants pockets, "But that's not why I called you here...." He pulled the amulet out and placed it on the display...only to have it zip right back into his pocket. Looking at he co-workers, Blaine stared at them, "''That's why." Bri shook her head, "Huntik is not my fandom...I'll go grab Felix or Aden. Between the two of them, they should have an answer." Matt instead shook his head and laughed a bit, "No need Bri, as hard as it is to believe, this is my fandom we're dealing with here." Bri raised an eyebrow, "You? Part of a fandom? I find that hard to believe. Even using your abilites, you should only know the-" Matt cut her off, "Don't worry Blaine, you see the Amulet and Titan inside is typically bonded to the person wearing the coat, but in your case, you kept the coat on for so long that the Titan has fully become bonded to you. You now have a pet swordsmand, and when coupled with the coat, you'll have access to spells too." Blaine stared at Matt for a few seconds, "...This is even better than the Dino Gem! I've gotta show Felix!" As Blaine bolted down the aisle towards his Felix's Workshop, Matt turned to a shocked Bri, "Funny, I was expecting a bit more fear..." Abra Abra Cadraba Garrett barely dodged out of the way of a flame pillar that erupted from the ground, nearly charring his Pegasus wings, "I thought you told Tyler to stop making artifacts!" "It isn't his! The fact that his homebrewed Crystalmante class for Pathfinder just happened to be a hit has nothing to do with this!" Blaine ran for cover as a ghostly familiar gave chase. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out an amulet, "Caliban!" A blue and grey swordsman with long white hair materialized infront of Blaine, bringing it's wickedly curved blade down on upon the familiar, slicing it to shreds. ---- Blaine and Garrett had been sent by Artie to go to Brazil to investigate a mage who was using gemstones to cast spells. What started as a small act was now turning into a crime spree after the 'mage' turned several guards to pure gold. To quote him, "This artifact is Cortes's Espada Ropera, Dante Alighieri's Death Mask, and the Portal Gun in one." ---- "If it isn't the Crystalmante," Garrett asked as he fired a pink rainbow at it, causing the mage to dive for cover "Then what is it?" Blaine tried to focus, trying to remember what Tyler had told him about he class he had designed. It was a few days after the Professor Layton/Ace Attorney crossover game had been released and Blaine was listening to him go on about how he really wanted to love the game, but there were flaws, especially in the plot. In the classic Layton plot twist, hypnotism was involved that stopped people from seeing pure black. As for the magic though... "The Talae Magica. All you need to know is that the staff she's holding can only hold two gemstones at a time, thus two spells." Blaine pulled out his iPad and began searching, "If the gems here act like Felicia Castillo's Pendant set, there should be one gem or spell that will shut them down." Garrett flew a bit higher to get a better view, "Uh...Blaine...our mystery mage is gone." Blaine looked up, "What do you mean 'gone'? She only had the fire spell and summoning spell, she'd have to manually desocket and resocket the Dimere gem." "That's not all I switched..." a voice called out from nowhere, yet nearby Blaine, "Goldor." Caliban arched his back in pain as he slowly began to turn to solid gold and shattered, sending the essence of the Titan back to its amulet, sucking a bit of energy out of Blaine. As he looked up, the mage began to materialized, holding the double-headed snake scepter and began moving towards the HARP Consultant. Garrett divebombed in, blasting the Mage, causing him to trip and fall. The mage tried to crawl away, but the winged agent landed on his robes, pinning him and picking up the Talae Magica with a purple gloved hand. Blaine now stood up and smiled, "Found the 'shut off' spell. We shouldn't have to goo the staff and gems if this works." Looking down at the tablet, he read off a single word, "Taelende." A shimmering black haze appeared to lift off the staff and out of the robes, indicating several more gemstones. As the two agents packed up the artifacts, Garrett looked to Blaine, I can see why Tyler chose to base a class on this artifact, it has the potential to be extremely powerful." Blaine shrugged, "Well, never judge a stone by its weight." He Who Is Worthy "Pete, it's me Blaine...I could use you in the Comic Vault. Something weird is going on...I'm not sure what's wrong or even what these artifacts are." Lattimer hadn't been expecting H.A.R.P.'s Ex-Eureka boy to call him, but ever since Tyler and Bri had been taking time off to plan their wedding, H.A.R.P. had been leaning on the Warehouse Staff more than ever. "Why aren't you calling Aden then?" Pete asked between cookie bites, "He's better at that stuff than me." Blaine shook his head, "This isn't his brand of 'weird'. This is your kind of weird." --- Entering the Vault, Pete was a bit thrown off that lights were dimmed, but shrugged it off as he went to go meet Blaine who was standing in front of a circular slab of seven long handled hammers, four of which were glowing. "There you are," Blaine nodded, "I found these while doing inventory, and they aren't on the list. Artie says that they've always been here, but when I mentioned that over half of them were glowing, it caught him off guard. Goo isn't doing anything, and they're like Thor's Hammer, impossible to move." Pete looked them over quietly with a look in interest on his face, "This should get moved to the Dark Vault if this is what I think it is." The serious tone threw Blaine for a loop, "What?" Standing up, Pete gestured to them, "Hammers of the Worthy. In 2011, Marvel did a storyline where hammers, these hammer, were sent to earth by Cul, Odin's brother. Each one holds the spirit of a destructive force and can only be used by the one who, like Thor's Hammer, is worthy." Pete pointed and named them off, "Kuurth: Breaker of Stone," a hammer that looked like an over-sized pill, "Nul: The Breaker of Worlds," the hammer was a rectangular prism, but had a pyramid on one end, "Skirn, the Breaker of Men," similar to the previous, but was longer and more slender, "Nekkrod: Breaker of Oceans," this one looked similar to a normal hammer with a hook on the end and a flat head, "Mokk: Breaker of Faith," this one looked like an anvil on a long handle, "Greithoth: Breaker of Wills, " Unlike the others, this one had a chain on the end instead of a long handle, "and Angir: Breaker of Souls." The last appeared to be a large version of the tool used to put criss-cross patterns on peanut butter cookies. Of the seven, the first four he'd named off were glowing, but Nekkrod's wasn't as bright. As Blaine took this in, Blaine had an idea, "You said that this was Marvel, right?" "Yeah." Pulling out his tablet, Blaine opened his Facebook, "Tyler had been trying to get me to play one of those Facebook games, Marvel Avengers Alliance..." Going into the app he searched around, "...and here coul be why the hammers are glowing." He turned the screen so Pete could see, "The Worthy are alternate outfits. She-Hulk, Luke Cage, Spider-Woman...they all have one." "And what about Nekkrod?" Pete asked. Doing a bit of searching on the web, Blaine pulled up a picture of Mockingbird in the Worthy armor, "We have a winner..." Brady Brown Bri Rependata Spending Spree "If I had known that we'd be running all day, I would've brought my sneakers..." Nikki said as she rubbed her heels. "Nikki, I have been waiting my entire life to do this," Bri said as she gripped her shopping cart, "Don't take this away from me." "I'd hate to see you on Black Friday..." ---- After several berserk shoppers had caused massive damage in a Denver Walmart, Nikki and Bri had been sent in to investigate. The two of them had figured that whenever a person heard a check-out beep, they'd go crazy, and that it was three carts specifically that were the artifacts. A quick search on her phone got Bri excited since they were the carts from a 90s gameshow called "Supermarket Sweep" . As Nikki soon found out, it had been her favorite gameshow growing up, and that they had two ways to neutralize them; either goo all three...or they could do the Big Sweep and the Bonus Round. ---- Nikki leaned up against the checkout line as Bri began to charge. At the sound of the horn, Bri sped off aiming for the meat section, quickly loading up on the most expensive cuts of beef they had followed by the largest turkeys and hams she could grab. Speeding on, she hit the cleaner aisle where she started grabbing the largest containers of All. She knew that the carts still worked off the 1994 prices (Nikki had been surprised that Pop-Tarts had once been $1.55 a box), so she had studied the strategies that the winners had used. The deli was her next stop for large wedges of imported cheese and long tubes of salami. After that, it was time to grab coffee which was a bonus $100 to her total. Lucky for her, while the 90s affected the prices, technology remained untouched, meaning her ground coffee took much less time. With this help, she rushed back to the check out and pushed the cart off, catching Nikki off guard as she got a heavy cart slammed into her. Bri now rushed to the pet section section and adjoining outdoor section where she planned to load up on dog food and charcoal. She may not have been as strong as Matt, but with the adrenaline surging through her, she literally chucked the bags into the cart and grabbed an inflatable Dole Banana as she heard the timer run out. ---- "Over $1000 dollars in under 3 minutes." Nikki stared at the number on the check-out scanner, "You scare me sometimes Bri." "It's a gift, as well as a bit of basic math." Bri shrugged as she took the envelope that the cashier handed her. According to Bri's theory, if they managed to find the $5,000 dollars with in 30 seconds of receiving their first clue, the carts would naturally neutralize. Opening the clue, Bri read it out loud to Nikki, "While Hawaiians may have a lot of soul, you can find some in a can on of ______." Bri didn't even wait for Nikki as she bolted off towards the canned food aisle, but Nikki kept in tow, "What is it? Hawaiian Punch?" Bri skidded into the aisle and already had a can of pineapple in hand, "Dole!" She flipped it over and ready the next clue, "Newspaper boys used to yell it, not chew it..." It was Nikki's turn to leave Bri in the dust as she jumped over several aisles for the Candy Aisle, yelling "Extra Gum! Tyler's addicted to it!" Grabbing the specially marked pack, she read it as Bri met up with her, "To avoid all the fights and scuffles, pick up a big bag of ______." The girls just stared at each other before yelling, "RUFFLES!" The girls made a mad dash for the chip aisle where they saw the specially marked bag of Ruffles. Behind it was a bundle of $20s. The girls grabbed it as a bell rang off through the store. ---- "How much clothing did you girls buy?" Tyler asked as he and Matt hauled in another bag of clothing from their car. After they had gotten back, the girls had gone on a shopping spree and the guys were stuck with bring in the bags. "Enough." Bri said as she tried on a new blouse, "Between the two of us, we're going to have enough clothes to last us for awhile." Worst...Timeshare...Ever... It had been a miracle that the Warehouse was able to get a timeshare in Italy, but after pooling their money together, the agents were able to nab an Italian Villa for a good price. The only way that they'd be able to take advantage of the deal would be if 8 or more of them went at once, so Bri, Tyler, Blaine, Felix, Aden, Mary, Juan, and Sandy had packed up and headed out for a vacation that would go much better than their Jamaica trip. Blaine noticed something was wrong the moment they entered the Villa, "Strange...there's no Wi-Fi or cell coverage..." The others shrugged this off as part of the deal, causing the former Global Dynamic programmer to sulk. ---- Unpacking had gone without a hitch as the rooms were assigned, but as dinner time rolled around, they were greeted with a second surprise, several chefs and a butler named Giles were waiting for them. After the introductions and welcoming to the villa, the agents sat down to dinner of grilled chicken, salad, and an expensive wine. Things at dinner were going well...that is until the power suddenly shut off causing a small panic until Giles lit a candelabra that lit the room...and Blaine's body with a cutting knife sticking out of his chest and a napkin stuffed in his mouth. More panic erupted as Giles ushered them out to into the hall where he explained that he had received instructions that a game would be played during their timeshare. While the butler droned on, the agents didn't need to hear the rest of his speech, they knew what was going on. Memories of Matt and Nikki showing off the 'Whodunnit' Kitchen Knife came back to them, and how they'd all been there to see it, and for one of them to fall victim to it. Bri gritted her teeth as Giles finished his monologue, "Worse. Timeshare. Ever." Claudia Donovan Horror Film Think-tank "Okay." Felix said from the white board, "Next up is that chick from 'The Ring'. How do we stop her?" With the cliche slasher horror film genre picking up steam again with films like Sinister 2, Unfriended, and the announcements of a new Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacare (Leatherface), and Friday the 13th; the most innovative Warehouse Agents and Conultants had formed a thinktank to slow down the other slasher film artifacts in the Warehouse for if, and when, they decided to ride the wave of new slashers. "Before I ask, was this thing tied to the original Japanese series or the American remake?" Blaine asked, already typing into his laptop, "It makes a difference." Claudia raised an eyebrow, "Chick crawls out of the TV, what so important?" "The Japanese version is more powerful," Gellar points out. The former TV-Slayer and HARP Consultant was invited due to the time she'd spent in Hollywood, "American version, she's bound to the tape, the Japanese version can attack through anything that tells her story, books included." Felix rummaged through a pile of folders until he found the one he was looking for, "Japanese. We have the original one." "Damn..." Blaine swore, "Okay, so she can basically attack you through your phone, flashdrive, or TV....great." Gellar got up and looked at the file over Felix's shoulder, "Calm down Tinker, it was collected in 98 and stored in the Dark Vault ever since. I doubt that it know what era it is so it'll still be looking for a VHS and TV." Blaine calmed down and went back to the laptop, "TV Tropes usually has good suggestions on stopping horror monsters, I'll look there." Claudia got up and took the marker, "Why not shut the TV off? Or just unplug it?" she noted it on the board under a list called 'Weaknesses' Felix shook his head and grabbed a red marker and made a new column, 'Counter', "American film 'Ring Two', she still crawls out of a smashed TV." "But that was on DVD!" Claudia argued back. Blaine looked up from his laptop, "Better safe than sorry. What about pointing it over a ledge like a balcony?" Claudia wrote 'balcony' on the board. Gellar shook her head, not looking up from the file as she sat back down, "Nope, this bitch is damn fast. You don't wanna see the pics of the dead body they found. There's a blood smear that goes down a long stretch of sidewalk." She flipped the page over out of disgust. Claudia gave Felix a stern look, "Taping over the video with 'Game of Thrones'. That'll seal her in, right?" Blaine spoke up from the laptop, "Tried it in the film. Same for rewinding." The future Caretaker was starting to get strained, "Let me guess, she'll just move any kind of barricades away? Just tip the screen to face the floor!" The room was silent and all the others stared at her. "That...." Felix started, "...could actually work." Gellar nodded, "She'd move any kind of sheet covering the TV, but if she's facing the ground, she won't be able to move that." Blaine closed his device, "And she'd have nothing to grab onto. In the films she needs an entertainment center to grab in order to pull herself out." Felix smiled, "Well, I think we've settled that, good work everyone. Let's meet back next week." Felix Draco Just like that time... Another day of artifact experimentation as Felix pinned up the sheet of paper above the doorway to Artie's office. When he was confident it wouldn't fall and was unlikely to be noticed, he returned the stepladder to it's corner and hid himself under the sofa. Not long after, Artie and Pete walked in, discussing the case they had been on. Felix put on some purple shades from his hiding spot and skillfully threw a paper dart so that it hit the irritable senior agent in the head. Artie looked around in confusion while Pete tried to stifle a laugh. Unraveling the note, Artie read it aloud. "Just like that time I re-enacted that scene from Young Frankenstein with Old Bone?" He looked confused for a few moments and began to say something that sounded like "Never happened", when the poster above the doorway began to glow with artifact energy. Felix laughed out loud, the note was intended for Pete, but this would be even more amusing. In a flash, the office vanished and was replaced by a stage. Artie and Old Bone were on in tuxedos and top hats, twirling canes and doing an amusing and passable rendition of 'Puttin' on the Ritz'. As Old Bone croaked out the last few words, the scene reverted back to the office and a very confused and startled pair of agents. "Uhhh Artie, were you just...?" "NO! That never happened! Someone...", Here Artie looked around the office until his eyes fell upon the rough pencil sketch tacked to the door frame. "Ah-ha, Seth MacFarlane's 'Family Guy' Concept Art." Artie feebly tried to jump and reach the artwork as Pete finally broke into fits of laughter. Using the USS Eldrige's Barometer, Felix slunk out of the office and into the Aisles. On the notepad in front of him, he jotted a few notes. "Experiment success. Events do not need to have actually happened for non-sequitur to take place. Participants appear to be in a daze while scene plays out in their heads." Laughing to himself, he made his way back to his office, passing Harry Richman's Lapel Pin on the way. He didn't notice it, but the Pin gave a small silver spark, as if it approved of his test. Letting it Go Felix sat atop the Warehouse surrounded by a flurry of snow and wind. The melodic sound of the violin he was playing resonated through the blizzard. As he played the last note, the winds died down and he noticed Joe watching him from a few meters away. "Enjoy the show?" Said the senior agent, with a hint of sarcasm. "Were you just playing "Let it Go" in a snowstorm?" The newbie wandered over and sat next to him, feet dangling over the edge of the burgundy steel roof. "It's a good song. And it helps me remember why I'm here..." Joe gestured to the violin. "Artie sent me out because one of Vivaldi's strings was missing. I'm guessing it was the winter one?" Felix gave a non-committal nod and handed him the instrument. "I didn't know you could play. It wasn't mentioned in your file." The feline thief looked quite distant for a while."I haven't played in a while. Not since I left home." The two sat silently for a while before Joe broke the ice. Figuratively and literally, as a sheet of frost cracked as he lent his hand on it. "I read about your past. At least, what little bit of it is available to the rest of us. I know you've lost someone, and I know you changed your name. I won't press you, but can I ask why?" Felix looked contemplative for awhile. "After what happened, when the artifact was born, I found that the less I thought about it the less it affected me. Eventually I worked out that it was tuned to me personally, and the less of myself I identified with, the less power it had. Using a different name, never staying in one place for too long...even the whole cat incident, unintentional but it helped. "Eventually I'd changed enough of myself that I could almost ignore the artifact completely. But every now and then the sadness would come back and I wasn't sure if I could keep going. Then I found the Warehouse, or rather, it found me. This place gave me peace. Helped me 'let it go', as it were. Still sometimes I feel the pain, so I come up here to remind myself what I have..." Joe had been silent the through the talk, listening and comprehending. When Felix finally went silent he spoke up again. "Have you told this to anyone else?" Felix shook his head. "Something about you, I feel like you'd understand more. I don't know, I guess I find another thief more trustworthy than Secret Service or ATF." After a bit more silence, Joe shattered another piece of ice and snapped their attention back to reality. "Thanks for trusting me. I know I'm the new guy, but I appreciate it." Taking the violin in hand, he turned back towards the small door in the mountainside that led back to the Warehouse. "See you later, Felix." As he walked away, he heard the agent call over his shoulder. "Alec. When it's just you and me, you can call me Alec." This one time, at Anthro-Con... Tyler hesitantly knocked on the door to the artifact testing lab. "Felix, you in here?", he called out. "It's clear, you can come in." came the reply. Tyler walked into the room full of shelves and tools. Various artifacts were stored in purple boxes or bags. A black baby carriage sat in the corner surrounded by a wire fence. Felix sat at a counter, jumper cables in one hand and the other holding the hilt of a sword. "Tyler. What can I do for you?" he said, not looking up. The HARP agent looked uncomfortable for a a moment. "It's about the whole 'Magic Mike' thing last week," he said. "It reminded me of the first time we met, way back at Anthro-Con." Felix calmly turned around to face his co-worker. On the outside he seemed steady, but Tyler noticed an alertness in his eyes. "What about it?" "Well, you said you're not the kind to blackmail, so it made me wonder why you'd want to see me in that...costume. And in particular why you'd want me to know you knew. It just made me think of what happened, or could have happened, in that hotel room." Tyler stopped and took a breath before continuing. "Be honest, if I hadn't scared you off, would we have ended up in bed?" The question seemed to surprise the feline agent, he dropped the cable onto the blade of the sword, which caused it to rocket out of his hand an embed itself in a wall. It took just a second for him to recompose himself. "Honestly, probably. I thought you were attractive for a lion. I mean, sure I just wanted to take your cash, but I'd always take advantage of a cute target. Not that I'm going to chase you now," he hastily added, seeing Tyler's wide eyes. "Bri scares me, I don't want her thinking I'm trying to steal you." "So you were spying on me last week be because you think I'm attractive? But don't you and Juan have something going on?" Felix shrugged. "Not really. We got too high before anything happened." Tyler sighed, "Well, at least puts to rest any worries I had about that day. Thanks for answering." As Tyler slid out, he quickly popped his head back in, "If you want though, I'll extend that offer of a show to you as well..." Forged in Fire and Feline Felix hefted up the heavy bucket of water and flung a thick rag over his shoulder as he made his way down the aisles of the endless museum of wonder. From his left he could hear the sound of punk rock and bursts of static as Claudia and Pete doused some overactive artifacts a few rows down. To his right, the buzz of Artie's segway and the irregular patter of Trailer's paws following him. Felix made his way down a side aisle and slipped through a gap in the shelves to avoid them as he steadily made his way towards his destination. He was so focused on the sounds receding behind him that he failed to notice the almost silent swooping of artifact wings and nearly dropped his equipment as Blaine landed beside him, Spriggan Wings vanishing on his back. "Up to something, Drakey?" he said smugly. "Must be something interesting if you don't want Pete or Artie finding out." Felix gave a resigned sigh, knowing that the agent wouldn't relent and he beckoned Blaine to follow. A few more rows down, they duo came upon what looked to be a blacksmith forge nestled into the side of a large dividing wall. Blaine noticed that the glow of embers emanating from the forge was a pale blue in colour and, as Felix emptied the bucket into a trough, took the time to read the metal placard riveted to the wall. "The Damascus Forge," Felix said before the HARP agent could speak. "Damascus steel, when it was first smithed hundreds of years ago, was centuries ahead of it's time. Stronger, more supple and barely needed sharpening or repairing. Turns out it was less skill and more, well, this," he gestured to the array of mechanisms. "I found it here a week or so ago and thought I'd take it up as a hobby." Blaine stood silent for a while before finally speaking. "Awesome. Can I commission something?" Felix grinned, showing a small pointed fang. "Wait and see if I'm any good at this first." With the conversation over, Felix produced a large ingot of steel and held it towards the furnace as Blaine sat and watched him work. The Devil went down to Dakota It had been a while since the last big ping, and the agents of Warehouse 13 were growing restless. Pete, Myka and Steve were visiting family, the HARP team was off somewhere in Southern Europe doing...something. The only ones left at the Warehouse were Artie, Felix, Joe and Nick. Joe and Nick were resting in the office, Nick pouring over some recent additions to the filing room and Joe playing Solitaire on Artie's prized computer. He barely managed to close the window and look innocent as the aging custodian shuffled in. He glared at Joe with suspicion but clearly decided it wasn't worth causing trouble. "Since you and Felix are the only field agent here right now, you've just volunteered for a trip to Kansas. There was a small disturbance regarding a plum tree growing apples. So here's your file, you and him..." he looked over the room in confusion for a moment. "Where is he anyway? I haven't seen him all day. He wasn't in his office, so I assumed he'd be here." "Oh, he said he wanted to get some practice in with the violin. He didn't want to get rusty. Said he was going to be in the Musical aisle for a few hours. Something about perfect acoustics." When Joe mentioned the Musical section, Artie and Nick's eyes flew open in panic. "The Music Section? To play a violin? Do none of you read the manual at all!?" Joe was slightly taken aback by this outburst. "He only left about ten minutes ago, what's the big deal?" But his question went unanswered, as Artie had already left the office and was scrambling to connect himself to the zip-line. Joe raised a quizzical eyebrow at Nick, who offered a short phrase as explanation. "The Devil went down to Georgia..." ---- Felix made himself comfortable on a small stool in the musical section of the Warehouse. in order to keep the artifacts happy, the area had perfect acoustics, making it a prime place to practice playing. He rested the violin on his shoulder and began to draw the bow across the strings. The fist notes of "He's a Pirate" rang out in perfect clarity around the aisles. He had just gotten to the intense section when a burst of fire rocketed from a shelf nearby. He raised an arm to shield his eyes, and when he lowered it he gaped at the sight in front of him. A towering humanoid, at least seven foot tall and comprised of burning embers stood before him, clasping an ebony fiddle in his hands. It pointed with the bow at a identical fiddle at Felix's feet, only this one made of golden maple. Felix understood immediately what was going on. "Let me guess, a fiddle of gold against my soul?". The figure nodded and readied itself to play. Felix did the same. ---- Artie sped along the zip-line towards his destination when he saw the bright lights, bursts of flame and could hear the unmistakable sound of a very intense fiddle contest. ~''I'm too late, it's got him~'' He landed ungracefully a few aisles back, and steeled himself to clean up what ever mess was left. He was floored when he got the the area and found Felix standing in a charred circle on the ground, fiddle in one hand. The other lay on the Warehouse floor a few feet away. "Felix, are you alright? What happened?" Felix's face broke into a massive smile. "That. Was. AWESOME! I've got to do that again." Artie snatched the fiddle from his hands as he got ready to start playing again. "No! No. That's how it the Devil always wins. You keep wanting to win, and you become addicted to the thrill of the competition. Win or lose, you're soul is forfeit. Now I'm going to take these and put them somewhere secure. I don't want a repeat of this." He picked up the other fiddle and walked off with them. "Oh, by the way, you may want to duck," he called over his shoulder. Felix gave him a confused look, then was promptly knocked unconscious by a solid gold fiddle flying towards him at a high speed. "Your prize," said Artie, as he departed. Garrett Scott Keep Calm and Clutter On Garrett walked through the recently messed up Convention Aisle in his home away from home. He mentally cursed the Collyer Brother's bricks. Somehow, one or more of them had found their way here. Garrett, along with several other of the agents, had been called up to assess and repair the damage. He rummaged through a patchwork teddy bear, a box of rainbow rings, and what looked like a silver coin with an anime-like creature on it before finding a special book with a unicorn on it; he gasped loudly. "The Elements..." he muttered beneath his breath. He carefully raised it to eye level, careful not to jostle the contents too roughly for fear of being sent to the moon, or worse, turned to stone by a rainbow blast. (Yeah, rainbows turn you to stone - go figure-ine). Opening the hollowed out tome, he gasped again at the sight of the shimmering gemstones on their golden bands. "Did you find something?" He heard Aden call from across the aisle. "Yeah!" Garrett called. "The Elements of Harmony. I can't believe they could just be thrown around like this and not be scratched or moved. Must be magic..." Garrett's voice trailed off as one of the elements began to glow: Fluttershy's Element of Kindness. "What the...?" Garrett reached a hand towards the pink butterfly gemstone, and the flash of light exploded around him. Suddenly, he was in the air surrounded by pink butterflies. "Kindness..." He heard a girl's voice whisper, seemingly coming from all around him, sounding suspiciously like Fluttershy's. He felt an itchiness in his shoulder blades and, looking behind him, found he had yellow wings! He had Pegasus wings!! His red hair seemed to be a little longer, too, more coarse like a horse's mane, and straighter too. His human ears had also disappeared and had been replaced by yellow pony ears higher up on his skull. Maybe Equestria Girls wasn't so crazy... As the light faded, he was still in the air, flapping his wings like they were second nature. "Garrett?" Aden said is utter disbelief. Staring with eyes wide enought to rival those of Joe Jones or Jelisa Norsworthy at Garrett's newfound wings, Garrett laughed in pure joy. "My parents always told me I had my head in the clouds." He chuckled. Double Date Aden, Soul, Felix, and Garrett were, in a spur of the moment decision, on a double date. Felix and Aden, who had to both use the restroom, had gone together, leaving Soul and Garrett alone at the table. Garrett tapped his fork against his plate, staring at his meal. Glancing up at Soul, he tried to smile and start a conversation. "So, you and Aden are really cute together." "So are you and Felix." Soul replied, smiling faintly. "Thanks. He's really nice." Garrett blushed, poking his dinner with his fork. "He's strong and confident. Makes up for my wimpy self." He chuckled. "You and Aden seem to match each other well, too. You balance each other out." After taking a drink, he pauses and asks, "So how did you two meet?" "Well, Aden came into the store looking for a pair of headphones. He looked kinda cute and mad, so I figured I'd try a bad pick-up line on him." Soul chuckled. "It worked, and we started tossing lines at each-other and set up a date." The wider man laughed. "You should've seen the looks on our faces as we asked each-other out at the same time!" Garrett laughed. "That's cute! You two are like a sitcom couple." The red-head sighed. "Yeah, Felix and I began our relationship while I was so tired I fell asleep almost the second I kissed him." "He's that bad of a kisser, huh?" Soul laughed, lightly pounding the table with his hand. Garrett chuckled too. "Not by a long shot." Garrett muttered. Soul chuckled again. "So, what's Aden like when I'm not around?" he asked, a smile still on his face. "Uh, besides talking about you?" the agent asked. "He's always either obsessing over new potential Convention Aisle artifacts, or having fun with his powers. Oh, he punched me in the fae once." This prompted a surprised look from Soul. "Long story. But he did. It was awesome." Garrett rested his chin on his hand. "Now that I think about it, Aden's often playing Pokémon. He says one of his favorite is-." "Absol?" Soul finished. "He's called me that a few times. Its cute. What about Felix?" "He's... sweet." Garrett replied. "He says he'll do stuff with me, even if it isn't his cup of tea. But I only took advantage of that once. I don't want him to get bored or anything." The albino took a sip of his drink. "Sounds like you two are nice together." Garrett nodded in agreement. Aden and Felix walked out of the bathroom together and headed towards the table. "So, how have you two been without the lives of the party?" Felix grinned, leaning down to peck Garrett with a kiss. "Fine." Soul smiled as he and Aden quickly exchanged a kiss as well. "We were just talking about how Aden thinks with his head," "And Felix thinks with his other one." Garrett laughed. "We should do this more often." "Agreed." Soul nodded, and they continued with their meal. Jack Secord James McPherson Joeseph Barlett The Cleanup Crew "What's the situation, Artie? We've never been on a mission before, why now?" Agents Joe Barlett and Myka Bering stood before their superior, both with looks on confusion on their faces. "Not that I'm against it, of course," Joe hastily amended. "Just wondering." "Just thought I'd give you a taste of the more dull side of the job." Artie replied, handing each Agent a manila folder. Noticing Myka's hurt look, he did some backtracking of his own. "I meant a dull assignment, not a dull partner. Sorry, poor wording." Myka seemed a little happier, but she made sure to give Artie a glare as she opened the file. "Ah, another DAR. Truly a good use of our potential." Joe looked at her quizzically. "DAR? That's a new one." "It means "Destroyed Artifact Recovery"," Myka clarified. "Sometimes an artifact will get damaged or destroyed before we pick up on it, so we get sent out to pick up the pieces and clean up and damage. Usually nothing, but some of these things can go out with a bang." "Exactly, since Myka knows how to deal with this kind of thing, I've paired you up for a bit of on-the-job training. Better her than Pete, and everyone else is either busy or missing. So, off you go. To Greece, where something crashed and flash-flooded an excavation dig. Of with you, go!" With little ceremony, Artie rushed them out the door with their plane tickets in an envelope. "So it's really just going out to pick up some mess?" Myka sighed. "Pretty much. They might still have a kick to them though, so it's safer to keep them here." "Oh makes sense I guess. Hey Mykes..." Myka looked over at the younger agent. "Yeah?" "I call dibs on driving." With a devilish grim, he held up her car keys, which she had left in her pocket, and he ran for the door. "Sneaky son of a..." Myka didn't finish her curse before bolting after him. M.C. Escher Matt Sordens Play It Again Sam "I think we're called HARP for more than just the fancy acronym." Matt said as he and Tyler walked out of the Oregon bar with the karaoke machine that Leonard Polverelli used to break the record for world longest karaoke marathon. The machine that had been causing singers to pass out and strained vocal chords in achieving the 100+ hours to naturally neutralize it. Tyler had managed to crank out over 50 songs from various styles before Matt decided to goo it instead. "What do you mean?" Tyler said rubbing his throat. He had hit several high notes in the last few songs, and he knew that it was going to sting for the next week. "Almost every few months we pick up some song related artifact." Matt explained popping the trunk to their rental car, "Seriously, we're pegged." Tyler shook his head, "We haven't collect that many...have we?" Matt and Tyler got in as Matt began to count on his fingers, "Leroy Brown's Jacket, Denim Trousers of the Terror of Highway 101, ABBA's Champagne Glasses, Just Dance Neon Gloves, The Devil's Golden Fiddle, Donna Summer's Blouse, Xenon Dance Floor, Tiles from the Orleans Parish Women's Prison...need I go on?" Tyler spoke up as he snapped in, "In my defense, the Xenon was a complete accident. Also, the Just Dance Gloves don't count, those are video game artifacts." "That doesn't help the fact that HARP is leading the others in 'music-related artifact collection'." Matt turned the key and backed out of their parking spot, "Let's face it...everyday we're shuffling." Tyler laughed despite his throat now tensing up, "Play it again Sam...play it again." The Curse of Jacqueline Bodard Aden crossed his arms as he waited with several other of the Warehouse staff in the H.A.R.P. Office, "Okay, we're all here, what did you want to show us?" Matt smiled to Nikki as she walked in with a cloth covered tray. It had been a week since the others had returned from their private Soap Opera in Bermuda, and he and Nikki had been eager to show of the artifact they had snagged while they were gone. "Well," Matt started, "While you were tackling daytime TV, Nikki and I were squaring up against primetime. I introduce to you-" he whipped the cloth off the tray, "The Whodunnit Kitchen Knife." The silence in the room was more of confusion than amazement, causing Nikki to chime in, "ABC's show 'Whodunnit' was hybrid of a reality show and a drama. They had contestants, but had a plot that they had to follow, competing for a cash prize while trying not to get 'murdered'. The show caused a small uproar when people thought that the contestants were actually being murdered." Matt followed her up, "The show also inspired two audiobooks narrated by the show's butter, Giles. In the first book we learn that the events of the show had happened to him before and that it was the curse of the first murderer, Jacqueline Bodard, that cause the next two murder sprees he was forced to partake in. We think that the Knife has her curse since we picked it up at a dude ranch after a faint phone call managed to escape despite the 'no wi-fi and no phone coverage' field that the knife generates." As the two Consultants explained to the other 8 staff members, no one noticed as the knife picked it new host as a staff member locked eyes with it...a small, malicious glint resonated in their eye. Who You Gonna' Call? "Why are we doing this again?" Matt asked as he looked at Sandy, Juan, and Blaine, "Halloween was last week and I'm still trying to get Felix's costume out of my head." Blaine shuddered in agreement as Juan and Sandy tried to avoid making eye contact. Eventually, Sandy broke the silence, "Well, a few weeks ago, the new of a new Ghostbusters film was finally announced and confirmed, so the Proton Packs were itching for one last go with an all-male team." Looking down the Samhain Aisle, Juan tilted his head, "So, as long as we don't cross the streams we'll be good?" "That and as long as no one actually fires the beams." Blaine explained, "This is nuclear tech from the 70s that Artie won't let me touch. No promises on what could happen if we actually fired off one of these things." Matt looked at the tech flatly, "How reassuring..." Myka Bering Megan Wilcoxson Heart still goes on... "THIS IS MY HOUSE NOW!!" The magnified voice of Paracelcus boomed throughout the Warehouse as the girders crackled with energy. "This way, I feel it coming from over here!" Megan Wilcoxson, the junior agent who had only started her work trial last week, led a small group of agents away from the carnage going on deep within. They arrived at a massive ocean liner and piled onto the main deck from the access stairs, out of breath from running. "That was intense," Matt said between gasps for air. "I've never seen anyone make the Warehouse do this." Nikki collapsed into a deck chair from exhaustion. "Say Megan, how'd you know to come here? You kept talking about a feeling but you didn't have time to explain." Megan looked contemplative as she ran a hand over the railings. "I don't know. I just started running and then I felt this sadness right here," she put a hand on her chest. "I just knew whatever it was wanted to protect us from getting hurt. And now that I'm here, I can feel it." Garrett's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Feel it? You mean this whole ship has feelings? Artifacts can be this big?" Megan nodded. "This ship has had a lot of loss in her life. I think she was calling out to anyone who could hear her. She's protecting us from Parry right now. So much sadness, she's masking out presence here with her pain." Everyone seemed to ponder this as the sound of metal twisting continued around them. They stayed there fro several hours, not even noticing time unravel and re-knit itself around them as the battle raged on far below. Eventually Megan spoke up. "It's over. The ship is saying we can go. I think she wants to be alone now." One by one, the agents disembarked the vessel and each of them quietly thanked the colossal artifact before moving off to reunite with their colleagues. Eventually only Megan remained. She put a hand against the cold iron of the hull. "Thank you for keeping us safe, Olympia." she whispered, then ran off to find her friends. Far above her, from the empty top deck, the ghostly apparition of the RMS Olympic watched them go. Fought in the War of '32 "They're just birds, Felix. They're the one's who should be scared of you." Megan said to her mission partner. Felix sat on the hood of the car as Megan and Myka glared at him. "They're not "just birds". They're parrots. And if they have managed to get their feral little talons on this artifact then I'm staying right here. Call it local intuition." The three of them had been sent to New Zealand after reports of organized bird strikes had surfaced from the small alpine town of Arthur's Pass. Originally Felix had been asked to go to back up Megan, his knowledge of the area being deemed useful. But due to his reluctance Myka had come along. Now the pair of females was struggling to get him to move further than the parking lot. "Fine," Myka folded her arms. If you're going to be such a child about this me and Megan will just take care of it on our own. We can handle a few birds, right Megan?" She copied Mykas pose and stuck her chin up in mock indignation. "Of course we can." Felix scoffed and lit a smoke. "Yeah, you guys let me know how that goes." he said, holding up his Farsworth. "Have fun." --- Less than an hour later he was startled by a buzzing from his pocket. He flipped open his Farnsworth to see the two girls looking extremely bedraggled. Their hair was a mess and there were suspicious stains and many shallow scratches covering their head and shoulders. "You bastard." Megan hissed a him. "You didn't tell us they were already smart!" Felix grinned at them. "I told you they weren't "just birds". No local would dare mess with a flock of Kea. Let alone ones they knew were smarter than the average." Myka snatched the device from Megan. Her eyes were flaming with anger and humiliation. "They were tactical. There were airstrikes! They flew in attack formations! How could we prepare for that!?" "I did try and warn you. Next time listen when I tell you not to go after the hyper-intelligent military birds. Speaking of, did you guys get it?" Myka pulled a mess of strings and meal out of a static bag. "One wind chime made of bullet casings and feathers, circa. 1932. I thought you and Artie were joking about the Great Emu War thing." Felix laughed out loud. "Ah, Australia's finest moment. How that group of buzzards got it, we'll never know. At least now their IQ will go back down to the average. Back to harassing the locals for food and shredding cars of rubber. Which brings me to my next point..." Felix looked over to the car they'd arrived in, now missing a window wiper, antenna and most of the window linings. "You've still got the deposit on that rental car, yeah?" Nick Renson That Eureka Moment "Hey, welcome back Kitten-Boy!" Aden greeted the weary looking agent as he entered the main office of the Warehouse. Artie turned from his desk to address Felix. "Back from your little tenure in Eureka, are we? How was it? Hugo tells me the place can't go a week without some kind of disaster." Felix rubbed his head and collapsed onto the futon. "There was an incident with some Quoll pheromones that I'm under oath not to discuss, but otherwise it was more or less quiet. Dr. Taggart is a great guy to work with and Cafe Diem has the most amazing pork lasagna in the world." "Glad to hear it, and the shipment?" "GD's latest batch of crazy is en route, nothing too big this time." "Fantastic! Taylor, with me. I need help getting storage space ready for these new additions. Felix, go get settled back in. Oh, and I think Nick was after you earlier." With a resigned look from the God Tier, he and Artie left the office. Less than a minute later, a voice came from the doorway. "Mr. Grey, I thought I felt you coming in. How was the holiday?" Nick Renson stood in the office entrance with a book in his hand. Felix rolled his eyes at the statement. "Hardly a vacation, that. Two weeks of apprenticeship, nearly dying from cataclysmic events three times and I had to nerd it up with the worlds dullest astrophysicists. Why'd I have to go? I mean, Jim's a great guy to work with and the cover was perfect, but I know nothing about space and physics and stuff." "That may be, but you know more about artifacts and their limits better than anyone else in the Warehouse right now. To build what I saw in Nostrodamus' Crystal Ball, we'd need the greatest minds in the world. What was their verdict, by the way?" The agent sighed and pressed a hand to his head. "With the artifacts we have now and the technology from Global, it's theoretically possible. But a planet-sized storage facility would be a massive build, certainly not completable in our lifetime. Maybe not for another hundred years. Maybe longer. What you're proposing is almost impossible in practice." "That's fine, I have a long time to wait. Thank you, Grey, I appreciate the assistance. Unfortunately, it does poorly to know too much of the future, so..." Nick opened the book he was holding and there was a flash of purple light. When it faded, Felix looked slightly dazed. "Ah, Mr. Grey, how was your holiday?" Nick addressed him. Felix blinked away the groggy feeling before responding, "It was nice. Dr. Taggart is an amazing guy to work with, and the pork lasagna at Cafe Diem is amazing. Nearly died a few times, but that's Eureka I guess." Renson smiled slightly, "Yes, quite. Well, you should get some rest. If you'll excuse me, I have some things to work on." Nikki Nola Double Dare '13 "Geller owes us big time for this..." Matt whispered beneath is breath as he, Tyler, Nikki, and Bri headed over to the Slopstacle Course. Geller had recruited them to pick up another artifact being used on the set of a remake series of 'Double Dare'. The trophy from the first Family Double Dare Tournament of Champions was being used backstage to make sure that the show was a hit. While Geller searched backstage, she had the Consultants enter in as a distraction as 'History's Mysteries'. "Admit it, you're enjoying this as much as when we were on the 'Legends of the Hidden Temple' reboot." Nikki said as she stretched, "Besides, we're at the final challenge and we get to keep whatever we win." Nikki waved to Geller who was now in the audience holding up a rather large silver totebag. The announcer split them up to their stations, all of which were derived from the original ones. In order, Matt would start them out at 'Gum Drop ' (a giant ball pit essentially), pass a flag off to Bri who was at 'Car Wash' (a take on the original 'Kid Wash'). Tyler would pick up at 'Gak Geyser' where he'd have to climb up and through machinery spraying green goo and pass his flag to Nikki who would dive into the 'Baked Alaska Pipeline ', a tunnel that was slick with chocolate sauce. Matt would then pick up at 'Soda Jerk ' where colored water would pour out with a flag; up next was Bri at 'Pick It ' where she had to dig around inside the an oversized nose for the flag. In the homestretch, Tyler was placed at 'Big Bowl ' and finally Nikki at 'Sundae Slide '. "On your marks...get set...GO!" Matt cannonballed into the ballpit, causing the sudden energy to force him and dozens of plastic balls out. Getting up, he snatched the flag and passed it off to Bri who threw herself through the skinny tunnel, popping out flag in hand and tagging Tyler. Goggles on, Tyler scampered up the ladder in spite of the goo, grabbed the flag, and slid down the pole, handing the flag off. Nikki dove head first through the tunnel, using the chocolate to reduce her friction as she then repeated the process twice more before meeting Matt. Matt leapt up onto the platform and used both feet to trigger the Grape and Orange soda sprayers at the same time until the flag came out of the Orange. Handing it off, Bri slid onto her back and stuck both hands into both nostrils, and pulled out covered in sea-foam green goo...and flag in hand. Tyler took it and rammed into the large yoga ball knocking down the bowling balls, exposing the flag. Nikki nodded as she took the flag. Bri had wasted a bit of time at 'Pick It', but that was expected since it had been the bane of the several teams in the past, but Nikki didn't have the time to waste. Using the railings, she high-stepped it up the slippery ramp (made even more slippery from the Pipeline). Grabbing the flag, she again dove head first down the slide grabbing the flag as her head rammed into the whipped cream mound waiting for her at the bottom. Nikki didn't get a chance to get up, as she found herself being pulled out by her teammates, all who were coated in goo in one way or another as they hugged her, jumping up and down. "I take it we won?" ---- As the audience shuffled out, Geller met the others on the floor of the studio while the consultants wiped up, "I got it. I don't think that the show will get past 5 episodes, but don't worry, you'll get your 15 minutes of fame." She held up her totebag, "Found it in the first place I looked, the producer's office." Nikki looked at her as she removed hair band, "Wait...you found it right away? What were we doing at that moment?" Sarah shrugged, "Winning the Toss-up I believe. I got back to my seat when Bri got the first Dare question right." The consultants stared at her as Nikki spoke up first, "You mean...we went through the entire show while you got to kick back?" Sarah smiled and she headed for the exit, "Dare." Pete Lattimer Sea of Lost Souls "WHY AM I HERE AGAIN?" screamed Nikki, over the sound of howling winds and pounding rain. She had been selected as one of the group of agents sent out on the Santa Maria, used by the Warehouse for nautical retrievals due to it's ability to sail itself. "WE NEEDED TO FILL THE RANKS!" replied Myka, equally drenched and irritable. "PETE'S THE ONLY ONE WITH NAVAL EXPERIENCE, HE JUST NEEDED THE 'CREW', AS HE WON'T STOP CALLING US!" "LOOK ALIVE, CREW!" shouted the man that Myka loathed to call Captain. "STORM'S CALMING DOWN, WE MUST BE CLOSE!" True enough, within minutes the weather had died down considerably and a thick fog had flooded the area. Pete waltzed onto the deck and faced Myka with a smug look on his face. "You're all here because we needed to move quickly and I needed a crew to boss around. If you know someone else suitable for captaining a marine vessel, I'd like to hear it." Myka resisted the urge to punch his arm and resolved to have a calming twizzler binge when they got home. "So why isn't Felix here then? If anyone would know anything about the history of The Flying Dutchman, it's either him or Artie." Pete's smile didn't slip an inch. "He's off in Eureka, apprenticing under some guy called Tabbit or Target or something. Artie said it would be good for him to get out a bit more. Besides, it's just another artifact, right? Nothing to be afraid of." As if on cue, Joe called from the crow's nest. "Dutchman, ''off the bow! Approaching fast!" Pete jumped into action, flipping a spyglass out of his pocket and looking in the direction specified. Sure enough, just visible through the fog was the outline of a large frigate gliding quickly in their direction. "Artie's tip was good, it's here! Bering, Nola, man the cannons! Or woman the cannons. Make cannons ready for shooting things!" The ship swerved to flank the ''Maria and the agents could see on board. The deck was abandoned, not a single soul was visible. The only thing the ex-Marine could see was a lone figure at the helm. Though barely visible in the fog, the figure raised a hand and pointed it towards the darkening sky. Then it spoke in a way that made the entire crew freeze in fear. "WITH GOD, OR WITH THE DEVIL." boomed the skeletal captain, and it swerved the wheel to ram them. Regaining his senses, Pete found his voice and yelled to his crew. "Fire cannons!" he shouted, and the sky boomed with sudden thunder all sixteen of Hayreddin Barbarossa's Cannons fired canisters of goo at the haunting vessel. The wind started to pick up and the clouds began unleashing rain agian as the fog began to fade, and the crew could see clearly the bony figure of Captain Vanderdecken as the ship faded and vanished into the sea foam. As the last outlines of the ship faded, Pete could have sworn he could see a second figure standing behind him, horned and black skinned. Then it was gone. Myka, Nikki and Joe ran onto the deck. "Damn, Artie won't be happy. Apparently this thing doesn't often stick around long enough to attempt a retrieval. And we blew it." Nikki rested herself against the mast. "But that thing didn't even react to the neutralizer, it just vanished." pointed out Joe. "As if it were really..." "Nope, don't say a word." said Pete. "Artifact escaped. That's the story. Agreed?" A silent look around the faces of his crew told him they had seen the same, and there was a silent moment of affirmation. "So, home then?" "Home.", they all said in unison. Sandy Calecer Steve Jinks Vive la France Alarms blared throughout the office. Artie rushed from one monitor to the next, then to his whiteboard, back to the monitors. He spun around to observe the news ticker that hung above the filing room, one that seemed to list countries instead of stock prices. FRN: X...SPN: +...JPN: X... "Artie, what's going on!" Myka ran into he room as Artie's shoulder slumped. Several agents followed her. Artie gestured weakly to the ticker and his monitors. "Something bad. Something very bad is going on." ___ Myka's hand flew to her mouth in shock. Pete and Nikki looked set to cry and Steve appeared to be close to exploding with rage. "Four disasters within hours of each other." Artie went on. "Hundreds dead already, according to reports. We need you lot to get out there. This kind of chaos is perfect artifact creation material." He grabbed his brown duffel coat and made for the door. "If nothing else, we can still help where we can." he said quietly. The agents looked at each other before following him out the door. ___ Pete, Artie and Myka were designated to France, where they could easily pose as American aid. Not that much acting was needed. They were there to help more than to search. Steve and Rick were sent to Baghdad to follow up on more bombings, their background knowledge useful in such an area. Nikki, Sandy and Felix took to Japan. There was less chaos there, but still tragedy. The next few days were going to be long. Tyler Lepido Towering Tyler "We have two other guys in HARP...why me?" "Short straw. Besides, can you see Blaine doing undercover if technology wasn't involved? " Tyler shuddered, but still glared at Bri through the Farnsworth, "Still...I'd feel safer if you were here. I'm getting antsy being isolated." "You have your Sabine though, right?" Bri asked as she took a sip of her coffee. Tyler checked the door to his dressing room before he pulled diesel-punk pistol out of a drawer and showed it to her, "Of course, but there's not exactly somewhere to store it when I'm on stage...especially near the end of the routine." ---- After a ping had popped up in El Paso, Tyler was selected to go undercover at a strip club to find the artifact from the inside. For the last month, he had been going under the name "Towering" Tyler Garcia and has become the headlining act for the Jackalope's. He knew for sure that there was a Magic Mike artifact somewhere in the building, but even with Bri and Nikki feeding him info from the film, he was still having issues finding it, but he was narrowing it down to a piece of costume from the set, namely the titular character's vest. ---- Bri attempted to hide a laugh, "Touche, but you think you know what the artifacts is? Escher is getting tired of covering for you at the ice cream parlor and Blaine's taken to swearing in Klingon to your IKEA helpline." It was Tyler's turn to smile, "Yes, I think it's the vest that one of the other guys here wears for most of his act. I plan to bag it tonight after everyone leaves. After that, I plan to fake a family emergency to get the hell out of here." "That's good." Bri leaned back and took another sip, "You know...you mentioned in passing that you get to keep your cowboy outfit and the money you've made...could I request a private show when you get home?" Tyler blushed as he stashed the Sabine into one of his holsters, "Well, I'll consider it..." A loud rapping cut him off, jolting Tyler back to reality, "Tyler, you're on in ten! Get your ass out here, we've gotta full house tonight!" "Duty calls." Tyler said as shut off the Farnsworth and stashed it. ---- Bri smiled slyly as the Farnsworth blinked off...only to see Felix leaning in the door way of the HARP Office in the reflection of the glass. Spinning in her chair, she panicked a bit, "How long have you been there?" Felix gave a small laugh, "Enough to know that Tyler isn't undercover in a production of 'Singing in the Rain' like he said he was when I caught him spinning around on pole in the Valentine Aisle..." Aces Wild ~''Why do you have to be a thief with morals? I'm struggling here with a four of spades and a five of diamonds with a six of diamonds, jack of diamonds, and an ace of spades on the flop. I might try to play this out into either a strait or flush. Any luck on finding that artifact?~'' ~It'd be easier if I knew ''what was looking for, not just who owned it!~'' Escher had sent Tyler and Felix off to an underground poker game in Prague where it was being suspected that the House was using a luck-based artifact to make sure that they always won. Escher picked Tyler for his charisma, and Felix to get in and filch the artifact while no one was looking, and Tyler's high-stakes game was doing just the ticket. To help them out, Tyler had brought along three artifacts to help them; two of them were bracelets from the Creery Sisters, a set of five sisters who managed to fool scientists into thinking that they were telepathic. The bracelets allowed wearers to communicate telepathically, but the more bracelets being used increased the chances of the wearers being caught. To counteract it, as well as to better his poker skills, Tyler had also brought Gus Hansen's World Series of Poker Bracelet. To keep them hidden from sight, he had slipped them on as anklets so that no one would question why he was was wearing an oddly familiar bracelet and a woman's bangle. ~''Look, all I know that it was used during Peter Darke and Johnathan Freedman's study into luck. They must've done something right to imbue the artifact with good luck. I might try to ride this out...thank god they took one of Frank Abanale's checks~'' Tyler thought as he took a look at his cards Felix slunk through the office ~''Anything would be a help...~'' He lifted a painting off the wall to find a safe, much to his delight ~''Found a wall safe. Want to bet that the artifact is in here?~ A laugh from Tyler was he needed to hear ~''This is going to take a few minutes to break into...so, how was your month undercover?~ ~Well, opening night was a huge success and I snagged the artifact that night afterwards. Next performance was a real trainwreck.~ ''Tyler watched as a two of clubs came up on the turn ~''Come on...papa needs a three...~ ~Funny...I don't remember Jean Kelly wearing a pair of assless chaps in 'Singing in the Rain' Tyler...or should I call you 'Towering Tyler'?~ Tyler gave a gulp at the table that his opponents took as a sign of a bad hand, raising the stakes to see if he'd fold, but Tyler called them ~How much do you know? No, better question, ''how do you know? Only HARP knew, and only Steve would've seen through that lie when you caught me in Valentine Aisle...~ He paused ''~You little eavesdropper! You listened in when I called Bri!~ ~''Oh, I did more than just listen. Remember that mirror I brought to Bermuda?~'' While Tyler played it cool at the table, inside he was groaning now that he realized that he had a nice, shiny mirror in his dressing room. ---- Back at the Warehouse, Juan was perusing the Aisles when he came across the stand for the Creery Sister's Bracelets. Realizing that two of them were missing, he picked one up to figure out who was using them where. ---- ~Fine, you got me woven in your web of blackmail. What do you want?~ ''Tyler asked as he watched the dealer prepare the last card. ~''I don't want anything from you.~ ''Felix smiled as he popped the safe open, ~''Well, maybe the occasional inside joke and some teasing about how good you look in a coybow hat and holster; maybe a stallion or bronco joke here and there. Don't worry though, I'm good at keeping secrets. No one will know about 'Towering Tyler', the cowboy stripper. Hey, does BIGL and a survey mean anything to you?~ ~Yes! It stands for 'Belief In Good Luck'. Darke and Freedman gave it to several test groups to answer. Somehow this place must've gotten their hands on a spare one.~ Tyler watched as the three of spades flipped over, causing the other players to groan as Tyler revealed his straight ~''Felix, how does splitting about, oh...$50,000 sound to you?~'' ''----'' Juan set the bracelet back on the shelf, smiling to himself as he continued back to the Convention Aisle to meet Aden... Spring Cleaning "Thanks again for helping with the rummage sale," Tyler said as he handed a box to Sandy, "With the others out after chasing a Wundt artifact, I was worried that I'd have to haul our stuff to the tables myself." "That's okay, didn't have much else to do in the Warehouse anyways." The psychic agent replied. Univille was having it's yearly rummage sale again, and the HARP Consultants always had a table of nick-nacks that they bought from their travels. It was actually surprising how much they could make of some t-shirts and mugs. "Okay," Sandy said as he placed the box out in the hallway, "Bri's note said that there were a few things in the closet that needed taking care of." Tyler lead the way to the master bedroom and opened the closet, "Bri wants the leather catsuit that she wore during that one stealth mission to be sold. Also, we have a few ugly sweaters that a thankful person keeps sending us each year. Mustard is not my color." Sandy laughed as he began pulling the wool knitted sweaters out. As he reached out to grab another hanger, he grabbed a most peculiar outfit. It looked like a cowboy costume, but there was a mesh undershirt and a leather jockstrap hung between the chaps. When Tyler saw what Sandy had pulled out of the closet, his face went pale, "I can explain...." Sandy raised an eyebrow at Tyler, "Let me guess...you weren't 'Singing in the Rain', but rather 'stripping round the clock'. I knew we had Gene Kelly's Umbrella already, so I knew that you weren't headlining in a musical..." Tyler flushed scarlet, "You're not the only one who saw through my lie...you see, HARP had me go undercov-" "Wait, back up," Sandy stopped him mid-sentence, "I'm not the only one who knows about your short-lived career as a stripper?" Tyler looked at him sheepishly as he sat down on the bed, "Felix not only eavesdropped on Bri when I called her once, but he may have also played peeking tom with Justus von Liebig's Mirror." Sandy laughed again, "That cat! Why am I not surprised?" Tyler stood up and looked the outfit over, "So...what to do with this? I can't sell it without raising eyebrows in Univille, Felix would just buy it off eBay just to torment me, and Bri is expecting it to be gone when she gets back..." Sandy smiled, "Well, you could always stash it in the Eros Sector. No one would bother to look there." ---- Juan was doing inventory, and his next stop was the Eros sector. As he walked down taking inventory, something odd stood out to him, instead of missing an artifact, there was an all new one hanging up. It appeared to be a stripperific cowboy costume. Looking at the tag, his eyes went wide as he read the title: "Towering Tyler Stripper Outfit" Real Horror Liana was on inventory duty with Tyler and Gellar. The two senior Consultants were a bit surprise at the Harmony of Truth's shock at learning that Buffy was on the Warehouse's payroll, but moved on. The three of them had just finished up in the Samhain Sector as October had just started. "So, are we done then?" Liana asked as she ticked off the last artifact on her clipboard, the Guardian Scarecrow. Sarah shook her head, "Not just yet, we have four more to check on. Recent addition, so we have them in a spare vault." Liana blinked, confused, "Why aren't they with the others then? Shouldn't they be stored with things of a similar energy?" She may have just started with the Warehouse, but she was picking up on how artifacts were organized. For example, she knew to stay far away the Eros sector. Tyler walked ahead and gestured for them to follow, "Steve, Aden, and I are debating where to stick them. I'm vouching for Dark Vault; Steve, Samhain; Aden, Tupla. But even then, we have to wait until the whole thing blows over." As the three wove their way to a row of vaults lining the walls, Liana pressed a bit further, "Until what blows over?" but before either could answer, they'd stopped outside one of the doors. Sarah looked to Tyler, who nodded, and put the proper code in, causing the door to swing open. The door swung wide, revealing four animatronics: a bear, rabbit, duck, and fox; each bound in purple glowing chains, their eyes lifeless, an occasional shudder coming from them. "F-Five Nights at...?" Liana stuttered a bit scared. Sarah nodded, "Freddy, Bonnie, Chica, and Foxy from the original Five Nights at Freddy's. No one in the Warehouse wanted to go after these things so Aden and his hocus-pocus friends took the case. Aden didn't say how they made those Neutralizer chains, but thank god they made them to contain them." Tyler took a single step into the vault and gave each one a scan over, "No sign the spirits are in them yet Sarah...I think we will have to wait for the film." Nervous, Liana took a step back, "I thought....Matt told me you don't do horror. How can you handle this?" Matt had brought it up when the HARP/Warehouse Agent had recounted the time he and Tyler collected Krueger's glove. Tyler walked out for Sarah to shut the door behind him, locking it, "That-" he pointed to the vault, "-is not horror. Those are jumpscares." Breathing a sigh of relief now that the door was closed, Liana tilted her head, "But, it's a horror game. That's what it's based around." Geller tossed in her two cents, "Yes, that is true, but what Tyler means is that the gameplay itself isn't horror. If you read a good scary novel, it sticks with you and lingers. FNaF relies on stress and sudden surprise to make you jump out of your seat. Play any of the Silent Hills games, and you'll feel it." "I...I think I get it." Liana replied as the consultants guided her back to the offices. As they went, something came to her, "Back at the vault, you said you were waiting on the movie?" Sarah looked over her shoulder, "Warner Brothers bought the rights. Can you say 'cash grab'?" "As much as I hate the Five Nights series," Tyler said shrugging, "I will give them credit for making actual animatronics for the film. Now let's beg Cawthorn doesn't gave any say on the script, four games in, and he has yet to actually explain anything." "What's so important about the film though?" Liana asked, "We have the animatronics." The three reached the HARP office, "Blaine has been piecing the lore as best he can, and he thinks we're dealing with a Liddel or Halloran situation again." The Harmony of Truth blinked, "A what?" "Spirit possession." the former Slayer explained, "Alice Liddell's Mirror stored the spirit of the psychopathic Alice Liddel, the girl who Alice in Wonderland was based on; Walter Halloran was the priest who performed the exorcism that 'The Exorcism' was based on, his crucifix absorbed the demon, but wound up as a prop on the set of the movie, increasing it's power tenfold. People thought the set of the film was haunted." Tyler picked up where she left off, "Turns out it was. The demon wrecked havok and even possessed the son of one of the actresses. Cause him to kill his family and himself. HARP went after it, and it possessed Matt." As soon as he said that, he quickly added, "Don't bring that topic up....it's a touchy subject." Geller gave a small huff, "He also doesn't want to admit that Buffy kicked him in the nuts." Liana quickly shook her head, "Noted, but back to the whole spirit thing with FNaF?" "Oh, sorry, right." Tyler corrected himself as he got the door for the women, "You see, Artie has a working theory about the spirits. Back in-" "Wait," Liana cut in as she took a seat in a recliner, "Artie, Mr. Anti-Game Grumpy Pants, has a theory dealing with FNaF?" Geller crashed in the seat next to her, "This goes further back than that. Back in 1993, there was shooting at a Chuck E. Cheese in Colorado. A disgruntled former employee came back and shot four of the staff members while a fifth survived. Some YouTuber put the shooting and first game together, and Artie did some digging on the murder case and even managed to interview the shooter before his execution was put on hold." "Didn't do us much good," Tyler continued, "But the current theory is that as long as Cawthorn doesn't makes a fifth FNaF game, that when the movie is over, those spirits will return to the original suits." Liana leaned back, holding her head, "How often does anything actually make sense around here?" "Not often," Sarah replied with a grin, "But you'll find the method in the madness soon enough." Vanessa Calder